Sunday, September 8, 2013
Every year in the beginning of June Milton High School has their graduation. As hundreds of parents, friends, and relatives swelter in the 90 degree gym, about three hundred students anxiously wait to receive their diploma and continue on to the next step of their life's. The past twelve years of their public school life is now only a mere few steps across the stage from being over. The question some may ask is, "What was the purpose of this?" Most children go to school because it is the law; everyone has the right to an education. We are a democracy and we must provide the people with an education that they need for the future. As mothers and fathers are shuffling their children on the school bus they can only hope that what they learn will help them 20 years from now. It is not only the Math and English that will some how benefit us but it is the experiences we receive everyday that we go through those doors. All those "get to know you" games and "icebreakers" aren't just to torcher us but to teach us how to interact with everyone else around you. Although some are better at it then others, a democracy must provide the essential things to live in everyday life. Whether or not a person decides to use those when they get older is their decision. Democracy can only lead a person so far. Like the saying goes, "You can lead a horse to water but you cant make it drink." Our education will supposedly lead us to a good job which will get us a nice home and a comfortable life. Some people will say that is a bunch of B.S. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. However, I think the only way for a democracy to work is for people just to have a little bit of faith in it. I personally believe that my sitting in school for 180 days will some how benefit me a few years from now. It might not be by getting a fancy house or car but I believe that something rewarding will come out of all this. So as I wait the next two years of my education out I will be thinking, "What is the purpose of this?" I hope to know by the time I take that walk across the stage.
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Katrina, I like what you attempted to do here. You start by recalling the image of graduating high school seniors and then you transition to an image of yourself graduating. The idea is a good one, very creative. Unfortunately, there are many technical errors and confusions that keep this from being a logical, cohesive argument. I will point out some of them.
ReplyDeleteFirst, you mistakenly make the word life possessive in this phrase, "their life's." I think you meant "lives."
Second, I wonder if you could have found a smoother way to transition between the pronouns. I found it jarring that you were writing so much about the graduating seniors and their education, and then you quickly wrote, "...the Math and English that will some how benefit us..." You went from writing about "them" to "us" very abruptly.
Finally, please be careful of your pronoun/antecedent agreement. You write, "a person decides to use those when they get older is their decision." The plural pronoun "their" cannot replace the singular antecedent "a person."