How does it feel to be inside a shy person's body? This may
sound cliché but inside a shy person's body feels like a mix of thoughts,
feelings, and words all bottled up inside unable to release from the opening cap. Personally, I am a shy person therefore I am able to express my experience as a
self-conscious person.
I...
can be judgmental.
notice everything around me.
tend to avoid eye contact.
pretend to be on my phone to avoid talking to people.
am just shy NOT antisocial.
plan out everything I want to say in my mind before I say it
out loud.
am afraid of being wrong.
sometimes stutter when I talk.
have deep thoughts.
am afraid to speak up.
"I can be judgmental." The existence of judgments seems to be fitted
in the mind of a self-conscious person. The adjective judgmental does not
necessarily mean something negative. The word simply means impressions. As a shy
person, observing around me is a natural instinct. Observing feels as though I
am using a magnifying glass to look into every single detail and action of each
person.
"Shy people are afraid to speak up." This line is
by far the one I like the most. I believe that shy people can be the craziest
and most amusing people in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm wearing two
masks. The mask of a quiet girl and the mask of an entertaining girl. When I am
around my closest friends and family, I like to be who I am. I feel comfortable
around people who I am close to. I am able to give my opinion however I want
and whenever I want without feeling restricted. There were some occasions when
people would ask me if they could jump in line in front of me. I would hesitantly say
"Sure". But in my mind I wanted to say, "Uhh... no, you can not."
When I am in school I am quiet. In almost all English
classes, I fear to participate. I fear to participate because I am afraid to be
wrong. But I often find myself answering the questions in my mind and realize
that the answer in my mind can possibly be legitimate. There were times when I
had confidence in myself. The moment I have the answer in mind, I would plan
everything I want to say before I raise my hand. Before I raise my hand, I
process the thoughts and ideas. I literally plan everything I had in mind and I
ask myself, "Am I wording correctly? How should I support my answer? Is my
grammar okay? What if I'm wrong?" But I realize I can't always be hiding. I need confidence. After all, confidence is the key to breaking a self-conscious personality.
Lisa, I really enjoyed your post. As a fellow shy person I can relate. I can particularly relate to the line, "inside a shy person's body feels like a mix of thoughts, feelings, and words all bottled up inside unable to release from the opening cap." When I was younger I had a severe anxiety disorder called Selective Mutism and this is exactly how I felt. I had so many thoughts and ideas that I wanted to share with my teachers and peers, but I was so worried about what others would think that I physically could not speak. I think you did a great job of articulating the thoughts and feelings of a shy person.
ReplyDeleteYeah, Lisa, I agree with Micaela (again). You do a really nice job articulating the way a shy person thinks. I wrote to Alanna as a response to her first post that I am actually a pretty shy person. It is actually getting worse as I get older, not better. I consider myself almost a clinical introvert. I would do almost anything to avoid groups of people, and when in groups, I almost never contribute anything. I always have this feeling of frustration when I say something, because in my mind it sounds wrong. Students rarely believe this, but it is true. What you wrote perfectly captures what goes on in my brain. Sometimes I think I stumbled into teaching because I subconsciously thought teaching would be a nice cure for my introversion.
ReplyDeleteI do have a few questions for you. First, are the lines that you used to describe yourself original? Did you write them? I am assuming you did, but I am not sure. If you didn't, you should cite the original source. Also, do you think there is a difference between a shy person and a self-conscious person. You are probably wise to draw a connection between the two at the end of your post. Shyness is probably nothing more than the social manifestation of self-conscious thinking. For a self-conscious person, confidence is the panacea. However, for a shy person, the ability to socialize is probably more important. Do you think these are ever separate issues, or are they always the same? I have no idea. Just thought I would throw that out there.